im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I have demons in me.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
