At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
