I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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