This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
