I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize