remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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