homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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