You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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