he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
