My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
