I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
