I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
