So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
