Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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