Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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