so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
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