Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Your cock deserves a montage
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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