Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
