my vag is so smooth its legendary
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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