somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
