somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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