have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
