butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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