i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
