After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
