Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Randomize
