I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
