Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
