"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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