I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
