my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
