I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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