the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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