It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My life is pants optional.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
