Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
