I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
