hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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