Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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