dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
