i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
