I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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