Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
