It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
