woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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