I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Can I color on your dick again?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
