can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
