I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize