This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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