You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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