This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
