I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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