What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm too high and old for this...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
