We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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