Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
